Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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