tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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