Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
