My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
