I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
