His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
