just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
