i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
