Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
