Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
