Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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