haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
