...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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