Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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