I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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