i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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