Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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