It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
