I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
