I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
