You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
