you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Congratulations! We have a period
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