i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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