I think im going to throw up on grandma
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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