I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
