Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
