I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
