YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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