I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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