I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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