Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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