We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
soo... how was my night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
