You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
