...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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