I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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