wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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