So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
