we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
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