OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
