I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
