When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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