Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
jump out the window naked night went bad
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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