Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
