You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
