When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
this just has baby written all over it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
