it hurts more in the daytime
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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