remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
