Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You ruined the universe
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
