we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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