Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
