New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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