Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
