im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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