you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
