That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
