He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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