Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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