remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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