Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
