you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
