made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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