I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
