i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
