hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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