you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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