By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
