She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
