ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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